Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
