Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
