Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
