My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
