This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
