I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
