also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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