I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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