Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
