just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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