he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
