just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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