also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
