I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
