hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
