2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
