Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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