So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
