this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
