i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
