pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
