Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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