i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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