remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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