Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
