I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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