You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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