So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
