You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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