i think i have herpe
just one?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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