either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
