Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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