There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
