If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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