Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
