No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
