I hope mine doesn't look like that
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
