And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
