I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
