i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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