Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
