I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
