using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
