I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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