Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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