I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How does one acquire holy water?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
