Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My dick has a subreddit
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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