But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sobbing to NWA
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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