she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
