so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
